A long time ago in a land far away….I fell in love with a sailor.
I thought that being married to a sailor would be just like in the movies.
In the movies all the sailors and their wives always meet at the club on base and drive around in convertibles and have parties with amazing hors d’oeuvres and the wives bake cookies together and wait for their husbands to come home from a weekend trip on the ship.
Being married to a sailor was kind of like that.
Except we didn’t really bake cookies and we ate pizza at our parties and we met at McDonald’s because we couldn’t afford the club….and my husband didn’t just leave for the weekend…..
…..he went out to sea for seven months.
I remember when he first told me he had to leave….
For seven long eternal months.
I told him no one ever went out to sea on a ship for seven months in the movies.
And he smiled and kissed me and told me I would be alright….and two weeks later he was gone.
At first I cried.
Then I got mad.
Then I sat on the couch for days and ate brownie sundaes and watched old episodes of 90210.
And somewhere between Brandon and Brenda arriving at the new high school and Kelly and Steve breaking up and getting back together again…..
….I got inspired.
Over the next seven months……I had my hair highlighted and went to the salon for the most beautiful red acrylic nails you have ever seen and had my eyebrows waxed and stopped eating brownie sundaes and started running and went on a diet
….and lost 40 pounds.
I looked amazing.
Just like in the movies.
And before I knew it…..my husband was on his way home.
And my amazing new self and I planned the most incredible meet-your-husband-when-he-arrives-home-after-you’ve-lost-40-pounds outfit.
It was purple.
This wonderful rich shade of purple and it was cut to down to here and cut up to here with matching purple heels.
And I practiced wearing my new outfit in front of the mirror….until I had the perfect pose.
If I held my stomach in and put my hand on my hip and turned slightly to the right with my legs crossed and I kind of made this fish face to make my cheekbones stick out….
….I totally looked even skinnier.
And so I went to pick him up in my new purple dress with my highlighted hair and my fantastic red nails and my Lauren perfume…..
….and my pose.
I got there extra early to make sure I had time to practice the pose and stand and practice some more and to make sure I found the skinniest location to stand.
And there I stood.
Still. Quiet. Hand on hip. Stomach held in. A slight fish face to make my cheekbones look even more amazing.
Exactly like I had practiced.
And as the sailors arrived….and walked off….I search the crowd for his face.
And then I saw him.
I almost couldn’t breathe…..as I steadfastly held my pose.
Willing him to look at me.
Willing him to be amazed.
He then he started walking towards me….closer and closer….his eyes searching the crowd….and just as I was sure he was about to sweep me into his arms….
….he walked right past me.
He didn’t even recognize me in all my purple glory.
Until I said his name.
And broke my perfect pose….to run where I had dreamed of for seven long self-improving months…..
…..right into his arms.
PS I wish I had a picture of that purple dress to show you…..
…..but from this picture you can get the whole….”miss your husband….can’t wait to see him” idea.